Wednesday, June 27, 2007

celebration of women friends

When I am with some of my good friends who happen to be men, I don’t feel any thing missing or different. But when I am with close women friends, I feel something extra…a different bond.
Yesterday I spent time with two of my women friends with similar language and wavelength. Hours slipped by without us noticing, while we were busy talking of caring for pets, houses and spouses, friends and acquaintances, work and society…these are the ones with whom I jointly find meaning in my individual life. These women deeply care about the world and everything which is happening around…aware and awake…those who seem to know the power within themselves to make changes. Not in the media savvy ways, but quietly in personal and professional lives…wherever their touch can make the worlds a better place to live, and when they go, leave it much better than what they had found …
It also feels great to see how they stand up and have courage to stand up alone…it gives so much of courage to each other too. It is about a joy to be alone, turning it into solitude and space to grow rather than a loneliness to mourn…
And the strength it gave to my convictions helped me to finally take important pending decisions......celebrate my personal space and leave confusing state of bondage called by other names….
Its immediate effect was seen in my exchange of smiles with colleagues on my way to work…

Monday, June 25, 2007

stocktaking of life...

In last 1 month two of my teachers passed away....the gap in our ages mere 16-18 yrs. I have to take stock of my life too! What i look for in my life, have i got it, have it lived it as i wanted...? For next few years will be dedicated to my childhood dream of PhD, which no longer seems to be a far fetched dream, but ya a costly one:) in terms of precious time...if i look at the hourglass and slipping sand....
i don't regret the life i have lived,............ took lots of chances ...more than i was taught to take, and was enriched experientially due to them. No would not want to change them.
The work? ya i love the possibilities in it, even if it hasn't yet fulfilled all the promises. I haven't yet given up!! I know it will be there for me in my journey...enriching my life. what about other aspects-lifestyle?....of my choice with in my limits! Fulfilling relationships?.....more than enough! lucky to have few very deep relationships in my journey....
then..? ?
but there seems to be something still pending....still i am waiting...

Sunday, June 17, 2007


Alchemy as i understand is a knowledge field about material aspect - of iron into gold and in spiritual aspect - of that reflective process which makes a person wiser......
There is a symbol of it, a snake with its tail in its mouth. It is symbolic of devouring itself and self. But does it always happen?
I do wonder, ....often self proclaimed, self loving poets/writers (i think of some friends:) have this idea about their process of creativity. They wait for the stimulation, generally the negative, and devour themselves....finally turning it into poetry.....
but then do they short circuit the process of transformation of self? I often wonder.

They will often defend their actions by saying that poets (and other artists) do have character flaws, and that is a part of their creativity.
Any way...this existential choice of either defending ones own flaws and make it permanent fixture or make it a passing phase absolutely depend upon the individuals. Those who have courage to face it and strength to overcome it move further on their journeys of self actualisation and realisation.

some days

Some days the moon seems so silent ...not talking to me as usual... the rustling leaves seems to ignore me while on their way to a destination unknown...can i ask why? A frightened child, is not angry or manipulative child, it is just a child who is en-wrapped in fear. It will need a lot more of comforting words, not anger to bring the child in the open to play...
But the moon, the leaves ...are angry!

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Caste Politics and Intimate Relationships

The caste wars are infesting the country and in few states it is more prevalent than others. It seems interesting to observe how it effects the socio-psychological spaces between people, even in between intimate relationships. How it is further effected by changing political scenarios in the state or country.
I have recently seen this question cropping up amidst two individuals of different castes, who were supposed be a couple till some time back. One of them nurses political ambitions in his heart. (It is in the backdrop of sudden rise of Brahmins as a political force in UP politics thanks due to Mayawati).
In any case I have not yet seen even one Brahmin in my friend circle to rise up to such an occasion. May be its a chance may be it signifies something deeper.
I remember Kabir again: "जात ना पूछो साधू की ...

Letting Go!

Talking about TOI, just now a close friend told me over phone today's quote in the context of some discussions about life in general. It goes something like...sometimes u need to let go to understand if there was something worth holding in the first place.
I was wondering how true it is,...especially in terms of relationships, some times we just keep clinging and then suddenly we find there was really not worth holding on to it. Or even in terms of major life decisions, so many times the original reason has gone, and what makes people to cling to those decisions are the reasons they have later created to hold on to that decision...its like telling lies to oneself, with out being aware of it.

Inspirational read

Reading Narayan Murthy's lecture to students at New York University was inspiring. Hope many more people will get so.

A Quote

Recently there was a quote in Times of India (TOI), which went something like this (I'm sorry, i forgot the author) ....
The difference between Indian and US democracy is, in US you can kiss in public but not pee, in India you can pee in public but not kiss.
It seemed an interesting contrast, to be given a thought!

It also brought me to two other topics, one about this pee business in India, which leads to men as a community, getting a lot of disgust from women inspite of some being innocent, I suppose. And it makes mental health professionals' work more difficult in diagnosing who is suffering from one kind of paraphilia - of 'exposure'.

The other point this quote brings me to, is how TOI have been a way of bonding with others, the way Indian movies have been. When cousins will meet in summers or talk over phone, they will ask which new movie u watched or liked, it was a good way of finding who thinks alike and who is as sensitive to same story or visuals as I am. TOI too had served similar purpose for me with few close friends, one of whom was posted on borders being in armed forces and would get the newspaper little late. We often will talk of the quotes, the cartoons along with the Times middle, the sacred space and speaking tree !
Alas ....neither those friendships remain same, nor the newspaper, both underwent drastic change in the quality!
Am I already old enough to be nostalgic for such things?? may be...

Personal Transformations

This post has been shifted to my blog

Random Musings

Some people do every thing as if in a hurry, as if there is little time to savor, to live the moment and slow the pace, look out of the window and see the sunlight falling on the greenery of whatever trees or plants exists around...Some people are like that even in relationships..
aggressive, dominating, in a hurry to have it all, at the same moment.........
But gradually things do change.
Seeing change in a person is as lovely as witnessing change of seasons. It is more than watching the greying of hair or wrinkle on skin, it is about watching the smoothness of spirit which comes as the sharp edges of one's personality becomes more blunt and non-threatening. As many more things gives that golden glow which comes with nostalgia....And when it happens during the moments meeting old friends it becomes heart warming...

Empty Days

The room is silent
My mind too.
Your laughter
your bitterness
not present
to spice up
my days.
Now this day,
like every other
seems empty
seems my own


the beautiful companion
who allows me
the entire play room
just for me
looks at me
and smiles
without that tormenting
spit out
of your mouth
which lingers in my

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Mindspace & Mindscape

This blog is all about the spaces inside
the forms & frames there,
which keeps shifting ...