Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Introspection about Relationships

I usually believed what few researches too have shown, women many times face additional stress, when in relationships. I would often meet women friends who are having difficult or unfulfiling relationships.
But recently I happened to meet many men too, who are unhappy or feel their relationships are unfulfiling for them. Many of then unknowingly or knowingly are in search of THAT perfect relationship.

It almost seems like every one is in a masked dance party. When the music stops, every one hold the hand of the person nearest....... and when the lights are full and the mask is off, they realise this person is not 'that perfect one' for whom they came to the celebration. Again the lights dim and the music starts, with masks on, and the story is repeated....

All this makes me gradually convinced that relationships are about learning. And As Eckhart Tolle says, they are not here to make us happy they are here to raise our consciousness. So search for that 'perfect/dream' relationship is a futile effort. every relationship brings us face to face with our own self, our own weaknesses like a mirror.

a very apt mail on this matter was send to me by a wise and much loved senior and friend...

The 6 phases of a relationship.....
" phase one is of building up the illusion...

Phase two is that one takes each other for granted. Life is still good, not as exciting, but alright.

In phase three reality dawns: one realises that the other is as narrow-minded and egoistic as everybody else in this world. If one is wise, then that's all and love or at least comradeship remains, but if not phase four starts.

In phase four one begins, whether openly or only inwardly in oneself, to make demands of which one knows that the other cannot fulfill them as they are simply not in the other's character. In the beginning hope & good will still prevail, and such setbacks are taken in one's stride, but slowly resentment builds up. Again if one is wise one laughs at one's own folly, resigns oneself to fate, and the show can go on, but if not...

In phase five resentment becomes too strong to remain hidden, and one or both parties begin, again openly or indirectly, to do things that are not really loving any more. If at least one of the two is wise, all is well, if not ...

..phase six starts: Hurt and resentment now build up further and further, and then one bad day one of the two does something to the other that really hurts, not in his or her own eyes of course, but in the eyes of the recipient enough to reciprocate. The basic faith is shaken. For a while habit still lingers, but there is no real basis anymore to stay together....If at least one is wise...., but if not ....

All through there remains the dream of someone, somewhere who is, as a prospective friend once said of herself, "high value, low maintenance": always happy, inspired, loving, never demanding you to be different than you are, accepting your foibles with good humour, highly appreciative of whatever little good you have or do, present when needed, never intrusive or possessive when not, desirable, good-looking, sporty, intelligent, and so on and on.

Why such a god or goddess would ever love someone like you ... the story doesn't tell, but then ... if your partner had been only a little more like this dream, would you not easily have become more perfect in due time?

Life is terribly straight forward I think. As long as we are not perfect, we don't deserve company that is perfect: semi-precious stones are polished by putting them together in one big bag with streaming water so that they rub each other again and again till all imperfections are worn off. Then and then only they shine....

....and so the story goes on... "

2 comments:

  1. do you like taking ethics classes for MBA grads? if so do let me know.. and thank you for visiting my blog space

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  2. hey just happened to go through your blog....let me tell you it is one of best pieces of writing that I have ever come across and probably the only on the given topic. With due credits to your friend who send in the letter.
    So many of us go through the same things and as suggested over n over again but we hardly realise what u have so easily and vividly portrayed. keep up d gud wrk. it was a pleasure reading thru the post. All the best

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