Friday, February 8, 2008

Introspective days

Recently, while discussing with a dear friend about life's inevitable pains and hurts, i had written a long mail.....

Going over it again, reminded me of the saying that we write/say, what we ourselves too need to know. Or may be, need to put it in more concrete form and give it words.

We touched so many of the issues of growing up...

of occupational hazards of our unique profession...
reassuring ourselves out of fears of having one way intimacy (where others seek us out to become their therapist or psychologists and not as a person)
of not dismissing our own expereinces by thinking some phenomenas exclusive to those studying psychology....
of how when we are feeling so alone, we can do something about it. Look at it from the lens of other people-related researchers in the fields of social work, sociology, activism, and other fields of humanities and even arts and literature. May be also widen our values, commitments and agendas...

Of Social questions ....
of being 'strong girl children' of our parents in a society where our generation of women (after being lucky enough to survive) are trying to prove their worth... and it becomes an extra burden. The glass ceiling comes at times, not in concrete form but in the attititudes of loved ones..

of negotiating life decisions so as not to hurt loved ones and carry its guilt (the launching out guilt) but also not to hurt ourselves by living a suffocating life with those values which our minds reject. An inevitable phenomena which we take years to out grow and many never do :(

of having or not having the picture perfect childhood, adolescence or youth.....and questioning who painted those perfect pictures for us to add it to our wish list. I like the not so perfect ones, for then there is a lot of scope to grow. We have saved enough within to last long and not to end up into a sick life, career and relationship to be doomed forever??

of people who treat others as objects of their gratifications, stripped of any dignity and deserved respect...

of questioning our feminity ....have we become so androgynous to miss the feminine goodies in life? or is it a bargain or are we finding it difficult to bring a balance and confidence about it... About why this question?

about how finding people like us gives so much of courage ....and inspirations too...

And spiritually ...

About how most of us dislike introspection for it might disrupt our sense of comfort. And thus how difficult it becomes, to strip out the layers of false existence stuck upon us since long growing up years....we have to first fight with different parts within us.

And beyond all this, having a life of pain and living it to the full. May be celebrate it and still not seem like having some kind of psychopathology :)

Do we have problem? or is it about the way world functions. In the name of acceptance, people stop for too little too early in life and restructure their cognitions around it.

But if we stop, will we be happy? no that is not the perfect lives for us, we will get bored to death with the sense of meaninglessness and walk out in one way or other some day.

But then there is no choice! No salvation out of this mess!! ...human birth, now i know more experientially, what buddha meant. The way out we have to learn experientially too.

It is never easy... that is the biggest challange. and the universe sustains on this play / interaction of lessons and our individual and collective limitations. If we look around we will find same story in diferent ways.

But i think it is a really good that we are facing such crisis. and some days one walk out of it and look as an observer, how imp. and meaningful these struggles are.
Is there anything else of more worthy to take birth on this earth. The pain and the struggle is the only thing.... the smooth ride periods are only the reinforcement to carry on. The day challanges are over we will merge in god?? or god would have given up on us??


  1. Hi V.
    Have "a-hard-to-fall-asleep" night, many ideas on my mind, so went browsing for a while... Read your writing. It touched me somewhere. Felt some underlying pain in it. Which I can understand.
    Just felt I should put again the great consoling lines from Sri Aurobindo:
    "All will come near that now is naught or far."


  2. Thanks Igor.
    Every time your quotes do help in the right way.