Tuesday, December 27, 2011

An Autistic Lover ;)

Hopelessly, increasingly,
Falling in love with
Endearing manners of
Seemingly self-absorbed
Barely communicative,
Unavailable, but still
Present, God!

So, sitting with some music like this & this and similar others, in NYC where its cold, cloudy and depressing. I can't wait to start for India tomorrow ... feeling as if I am on an Indian railway station and the train is late :)

Monday, December 26, 2011

A long awaited transition!

Expecting to reach India next week... How I yearn for this transition.
What am I looking for... well a final leap of fool-of-faith... a conscious creation of everything from scratch. But how? Oh I don't know... but I am hoping for a culmination of all what I have been, lived through, learned, believed, stood up for ... everything! There is a feeling as if every drop of my existence lived till date for this phase... a sense of celebration for burning all bridges ... a mad joy about things to come :)
But may be, its just a sense of home coming for someone without a home :))

Monday, December 19, 2011

B 2 B 2 B

Went to Big Sur yesterday. An area I wanted to visit for long due to Human-Potential Movement. Although Esalen, which was the center of it all seems to have become a money-generating business nowadays (somehow I never got sold on this idea of minting money from whatever is best in human life). Any way, it was nice... the location is awesome, the nature is bountiful, there is little reason to complain.

Next destination is Boston to visit a friend. Suddenly wondering, if it was a good idea in the first place. Something old and buried came haunting back :( Though my friend is a wonderful woman and her family is amazing ... She just told me her hubby baked a Tiramisu cake for my visit :) Some party time with them for Jewish new year ! (Update: That was the most delicious cake I have ever had :)

A little bit of X-mas and a little more of NYC , then I'm in Bangalore. The last day of the year.
A city where I stayed for 6 years... now it feels hard to stay even for 24 hrs. Though it would get tiring, I take a bus to Pondy. A new year, a new phase of life deserves a more blessed space. During this transition, probably I can bury something old after saying last good-byes, and make every effort to burn all the bridges - to nowhere.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Good-bye poetries

In every new place,
a little part of me
pitches a tent,
builds a comfort zone.


Every-day, office-lunch, and
three American grand-mothers,
gave sunny warmth of
Indian winter afternoons.

A doc on Delhi

How bad planning has lead to a world of urban poverty in cities bursting at the seams... they have worst of all the possible worlds!


world views and poetries ...

I sometimes wonder whether the kind of world-view which exists in sufi poetries exists elsewhere. I have not found it often, guess it is influenced by what is valued/celebrated in a particular culture... self offering and devotion... These poetries have a kind of poetically intense love language and meaning, which only befits divine as the beloved.
This a beautiful poetry I re-discovered after 4-5 yr. (What happened to me in between?). Here is an attempt to convey its meaning...

If your heart desires so, be the glass or the chalice,
Better to become the wine, the tavern.

Being wine or tavern, be a story of intoxication
Becoming a story of intoxication, be forgetful of ur identity.

Be forgetful of your existence, become a story of intoxication,
But better than this being and becoming, become a 'madman'.

Even better than becoming a madman, 'be' a madman,
But even better than being a madman, become the dust of the beloved's door.

What is this dust but the kohl in the eyes of 'people of heart'
Be the coolness in the heart of flame, the light in the heart of moth.

Learn from the heart (of the poet) how to burn,
why to burn at every flame,
Become that moth who burns in one's own inner fire.

ji chahe to sheesha ban ja, jee chahe paimana ban ja

sheesha paimana kya banna, may ban ja maikhana ban ja
may ban kar, maykhana ban kar, masti ka afsana ban ja
masti ka afsana ban kar, hasti se begana ban ja
hasti se begana hona, masti ka afsana banna
is hone se, is banne se, achha hai dewana ban ja
deewana ban jane se bhi, deewana hona achha hai
deewana hone se achha, khake dare janana ban ja
kahk-e dare janana kya hai ahle dil ki aank ka surma,
shamma ke dil ki thandak ban ja noore dile parwana ban ja
seekh zahin ke dil se jalna, kahe ko har shamma pe jalna
apni aagmein khud jal jaye tu aisa parwana ban ja.
(-Baba Zaheen Shah)

Sung by Abida Parveen in Raqs-e-Bismil (apparently it means the dance of the wounded).

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Back to India :)

Yesterday was my last day in the fellowship!
It was a wonderful year of learning, and bonding with an amazing lab!

However, now there is a sense of freedom. Time to consciously avoid getting into something too soon ...and take a break, be free and un-cluttered.

Hmm ... now what!

A little travel and then India.
I would have loved to avoid B'glore ... However now when I can't help it, let me make some lemonades ;) I can do things there I have thought about for long. A 10-days silent meditation retreat, a workshop on story-telling and a little bit of visit to museums and national parks. That should make the difference. Then a little bit of time at home and the real stuff should start ...
My subjective world needs a fresh lease of life with solid time in nature and doing creative stuff!
Even Psychology needs to be a little more creative and culturally sensible :)
Well... lets see!