Thursday, February 11, 2016

Yogic Friends & Boy-friends

I was recently re-reading this article, 'The Problem with Zen Boyfriends' and smiled to myself because it felt so familiar... seen too many people with such mix of spirituality and neuroticism ... as the author describes...

"What defines a Zen boyfriend is the manner in which he skillfully uses spiritual ideals and practices as an excuse for his terror of, and refusal to be in, any type of real relationship with a woman. He is both too identified with his balls to become a celibate monk, and at the same time too little identified with the wider implications of them to take responsibility for them. The result: a righteous, distant and very intelligent substitute for a real man." There is a need for " 98 parts space to two parts intimacy." 
The common conversation will often be around "love is limitless and unconditional and therefore isn't limited" (to a relationship). 

As Marianna complained, "I need to feel like you're really here with me, and not always so detached," and then felt in this relationship, with him around, "there is no one there to hold me if I cry". 
It is so familiar to feel alone with such people. There is a distance of light years, almost. 

It was almost like watching hills in moonlight, from a distance. Enchanting but no where comforting as a presence next to you. "(some people) think they have become enlightened ... and then "(proceed unsolicited to) try to bestow the same boon upon others". 

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Marianna has said it so well ... "We live in confusing times where spirituality and neurosis are often seamlessly interwoven into a complex constellation of radiant wisdom and psychological woundedness. Yet in the end, I blame not them but myself. For as distant, arrogant, righteous and terrified as they were, it was I who sought them out, I who tried to open them in the ways that I wanted them to be open, and ultimately I who recreated my childhood pattern of not feeling loved by eliciting the same response in my relationships."


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